Today marks the completion of Brooke’s 106th and final week of treatment since her leukemia relapse in September, 2013. She did 56 weeks of high dose chemo followed by 50 weeks of maintenance doses, including one week of radiation treatments. It took 28 months to get through it all because her team would pause her treatment periodically to give her body a break. And now, here we are at the finish line!

Next week Brooke has her final appointment at the CHOC outpatient clinic for her last lumbar puncture and bone marrow aspiration, which feels more like the real finish line to her. We had a small celebration today, we’ll have a bigger one next Tuesday after her procedures, and then next weekend we get to celebrate with my parents and other family and friends in Sacramento! I figure we’ll celebrate this as many times as we can!

Brooke is doing great. Really incredibly well – physically, psychologically, socially, even academically. She’s still skipping through life and everything it throws at her, focusing on the positive, following her bliss, and speaking her mind. She doesn’t even seem relieved by this end, since she took her treatment in stride all along anyway. And yet she is more than ready to celebrate anyway, and happy to be done with all the frequent appointments!

Aidan is doing great too. Still loving and supporting us both, and continuing to recover and heal from all the fear and trauma he endured during Brooke’s treatment. He’s actually enjoying school now (), has tons of friends, is bursting with imaginative ideas and impressive creations, and impresses me daily with his understanding of the world and the universe. He’s quietly pleased with this milestone, and very proud of his sister for defeating cancer again!

As for me, I’m really feeling this day. It’s a whole mixture of gratitude, grief, painful memories, amazing triumphs, deep gifts, and huge relief. There’s even a part of me that feels some bittersweetness in being done. It’s not like it was fun…but it was important and I was good at it! I felt like I was really aligned with my purpose. And there were many deeply rewarding moments. It was also really hard and there were lots of moments when I felt like it was going to crush me…even though I knew it wouldn’t. It has been an intense journey.

Deep thanks to everyone who was there for us, who supported us, and cheered for us. We will pay it forward.

I introduced my kids to the Back to the Future trilogy about 18 months ago, and they loved it! I’ve lost count of how many times Brooke and I watched the movies in the hospital.

So today, in honor of Back to the Future Day, we had a marathon and watched all 3 movies! And between the 1st and 2nd films, we took a field trip into our past. We went to Rancho Santa Margarita, where we used to live 4 years ago before we moved to Long Beach, and walked by our old house, went to the playground we used to walk to, the library where we went for story time, and swam in the swimming pool where we used to swim. Aidan remembered pretty much everything. Brooke remembered very little. She was only 3 when we left. It was such a fun day and my kids pretended that we were actually back in time and that our mini van has a flux capacitor! And they kept remarking on the fact that today is the only Back to the Future Day there will ever be! “The only time in human history!”

Although now that there’s another film slated for 2017, which will probably try to predict life in 2047, we’re beginning to plan our blow out party for that day! I’ll be 69, Aidan will be 42, and Brooke will be 40. Hopefully any grandkids will be into it too!

This little firecracker is 8 years old today!! She just gets more wonderful as time goes by. I feel so incredibly privileged to be her mother!

Before she could even talk, this little pixie showed me that it’s possible to smile every day, no matter what. And she’s still doing it! Her unsinkable spirit has brought her to victory over leukemia not once, but twice! (First in her blood; then in her nervous system!) She’s smiled her way through a total of 4.5 YEARS of chemotherapy treatments, out of her 8 years of life, with very few complications and virtually no long-term side effects! Today she is balanced and healthy and thriving with only 3 months of maintenance chemo left, and no sign of cancer anywhere!

She truly inspires me and lifts me up. Despite the challenges we’ve faced, it has been an absolute honor to have a front row seat to her magical approach to life over the past 8 years! I cannot wait to see what else she is inspired to take on in her life!!

Happy birthday my sweet Brooke. You are my inspiration, my angel, my teacher, and my favorite little girl in the whole wide world! May the next year of your life bring you as much joy as you bring to life, and to so many around you.

First day of school today for us. After having a lot of troubles with his teachers and schools over the past two years, Aidan was really dreading going back today. But he ended up having such a GREAT day!! He loves his new teacher and had a good impression of the new principal too, and both kids loved that their classrooms are only two doors apart. Aidan reported feeling much better than he expected and his relief was palpable! He said “it just feels like a nice fresh start” and was literally skipping around and singing all afternoon and evening. I am SO grateful we are off on the right foot!! And I’m really proud of Aidan that he could allow for a positive experience today, after all the difficulties he’s faced at school.

Brooke, of course, made it all look easy, despite the fact that she’s on high levels of steroids and two other chemotherapy drugs this week that take quite a toll on her (extreme fatigue, hunger, and emotional sensitivity). I hovered around campus all day in case she needed to bail out, but she was totally fine. Until we got in the car to come home that is, then it was meltdown city! I think the little pixie was really holding it together for school. She did so great!! She’ll be off this particular chemo cocktail by next week and won’t have to repeat it until November. She also got a great teacher and is in the same class as her good friend that she met in the Spring.

All things considered, this day really couldn’t have gone any better!! Yay!!!

Today was Brooke’s first day back to school! She’s been out for almost 2 years! She is so excited to be back in school and had a great first day!

Brooke completed Kindergarten in Long Beach, but relapsed on the 3rd day of 1st grade in Sep, 2013, and her doctors have kept her out of school since then due to the demands of her treatment and her weakened immunity. She’s been working with home school teachers from the district who have been visiting her an hour a day in the hospital or at home and helping her keep up academically.

Last February we transferred Aidan from the school in Long Beach to a school near his Dad’s house in Anaheim, because of some challenges he was having at his old school. So today Brooke joined him at the new school. She’s coming into 2nd Grade, 6 weeks before the end of the year, at a new school, in a different district. With almost no hair. (Yikes, right!?)

Brooke has been VERY excited about going back to school and having friends she sees every day again. She’s been counting down the days! Yesterday we came in and met the class, and Brooke’s favorite Child Life specialist from CHOC came in to talk to the class about leukemia and chemo and CHOC and why Brooke is nearly bald and always needs sunglasses outside. The class was very sweet and each of them had made welcome cards for Brooke. 5 or 6 of the kids said in their cards that they were hoping Brooke could be their new BFF. When we left after the presentation yesterday, Brooke told me she really liked the class and said “by the end I was feeling so un-shy I was almost ready to talk to them!”

I was in the classroom with her today and will be for a couple days, helping her get used to classroom procedures, etc. And today was terrific! Kids swarmed around her at recess introducing themselves and saying they liked her dress and sunglasses and asking her about her favorite TV shows. One little girl in her glass even brought her flowers to welcome her. It was all a little overwhelming for Brooke and she didn’t talk to the kids much yet – just communicated with smiles and nods. She loved it all though and is happy to be so well received.

This is a huge transition for her and I’ve been a little nervous about it, but Brooke’s been looking forward to it, and knowing her, she will dance through this like she does everything else. She is just so ready to be a “normal” kid again. I’m so proud of this amazing little Pixie!

Home sweet hospital room. We are back at CHOC for a little unexpected visit. Brooke got admitted on Tuesday when she showed up for a clinic visit with a fever. All her blood counts were quite low and they discovered she has an ear & sinus infection, plus she was having a lot of pain in her feet – apparently a not-uncommon side effect of the Methotrexate she’s been taking. On Tuesday she couldn’t walk, eat, or stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time, but after some fluids, blood transfusions, and antibiotics, she woke up yesterday feeling great! Her feet are still a little tender, but she can walk again. So now we’re just hanging out here until she convinces them that she’s ok to go home. Her oncologist told me she’d probably release her tomorrow.

Aidan was a good sport about getting sent to his Dad’s early and Brooke’s spirits have been great, as usual. My own psyche is having some difficulty being back here, but I just keep reminding myself that it’s only for a few days. Hoping that Maintenance gets a little easier soon!

Maintenance is underway! The first couple weeks include daily cranial radiation treatments, which were scary at first, but easy peasy now. 3 more to go and we can add that to the list of things we don’t have to worry about anymore!

Transitioning back to “normal” life and outpatient treatment involves some challenges for each of us, but overall we are all still just so happy to be home together consistently again!

Brooke is gradually giving up her post as cancer princess and getting used to sharing, going along with what other people want to do once in a while, and not getting prizes for EVERY single thing she does.

Aidan is still finding his groove at school, but he seems much happier and less stressed than he was a couple of months ago, and he is getting more understanding from the educators at his school too, thanks to some really wonderful intervention by his amazing therapist!

And I’m trying to re-enter the world little by little. There is still so much to manage, but I’m starting to feel a little less depleted, find more time for myself, catch up with friends when I can, and even beginning to think about when and how to revive my coaching practice! It’s pretty exciting to even be able to think about such things!

56 weeks down, 0 to go!!!!!! We made it to Maintenance!! And what an auspicious day to end on. Happy New Year y’all. This is gonna be a good one!!

Shout out to my awesome mom and greatest supporter, Robin Ballou! 

I can’t even imagine how I would have gotten through this crazy year without her. In June she left her job, retiring at least 6 months earlier than she had planned, left her home, her husband, her son, her friends, and her garden, and came down to Long Beach to help is however she could.

My one-bedroom apartment is pretty cramped when it’s just the 3 of us here, add a fourth and it gets downright comical! We decided early on to pretend we’re camping. From that perspective it feels pretty roomy! I certainly have not been able to put her up in utmost comfort, but Mom figured out how to fit herself into our space and our lives with remarkable grace.

Tirelessly she has been here to fill in so many of the cracks and catch the balls I drop (or couldn’t get in the air in the first place) while we all got Brooke through so much time in the hospital. She’s been getting Aidan up and to school all year, despite the 35 min drive. She’s done basically all our laundry, dishes, and shopping for 6 months. She’s been bringing us food and clothes and supplies at the hospital, staying nights with Brooke so I could have time with Aidan, relieving me for breaks and walks and naps and phone calls and therapy sessions and time with friends. She’s helped me repeatedly pack and unpack, decorate and de-decorate, organize my clutter, clean up vomit, and collect multiple stool samples. (Yep!)

One week she got a bad virus and couldn’t take Aidan or visit the hospital. She still did errands for me, came and got our dirty laundry (I met her in the parking garage), brought it back clean, brought us food, and had the carpets in my apartment shampooed.

She’s been here to make Brooke smile, tend to her very specific whims, play with her, and cheer her on.

She’s been here to rub my shoulders, bring me tea, tell me that I’m doing great, encourage me to keep going…and to let me cry on her shoulder on the days when I felt like I couldn’t.

My biggest gratitude though, is for what she’s done for Aidan. These past 16 months have been quite challenging for him and before mom came, whenever Brooke and I were in the hospital, it was incredibly hard for him. He would be at his Dad’s, (where he is 50% of the time anyway), but he missed us both, worried about Brooke, struggled at school, had trouble sleeping, even had a few panic attacks. He loves Brooke more than he loves his teddy bear (and that’s saying something) and he does not like to be away from her. He understands the seriousness of her diagnosis and her treatment. He has had to walk through some VERY difficult emotions in all this. Aidan has a great relationship with his Dad and likes spending time there, but he’s not used to being away from me and my home for weeks on end and Nick has a very busy work schedule. Having Nana here meant that Aidan had all his usual weeks at my home, with a loving, doting grandma who does things a lot like I do. Plus it meant a lot more afternoons and nights that I could be home with him. Not to mention the fact that my sanity was more intact in general, so the time I did have with him could be positive! During their time together, Nana and Aidan really got to know and love each other well, read special books every night, developed special jokes and rituals…(honestly it even made me a little jealous at times ). Together they even refurbished Aidan’s favorite, very well-loved teddy bear with a deep cleaning, fresh stuffing, and a new bow tie! He was thrilled!

Mom, I know I’ve been too preoccupied, scattered, and stressed to fully express all the gratitude I feel for you being here, but I do recognize what a godsend you have been to us. I truly don’t know (and would rather not try to imagine) what this would have been like without you. Thank you for giving up your first 6 months of retirement to work your butt off for our cause!

We love you!

Brooke’s final inpatient chemo (HD Methotrexate) is in process! 12 more hours and she’ll be done!!!

We should get released this weekend. And the rest of her chemo for this phase and for Maintenance can all be given outpatient. After this we’ll only have to go to the hospital if she gets fevers or other complications.

53 treatment weeks down, 3 to go!!!! (And then 50 weeks of Maintenance….no problem)