And the hits just keep coming. 2018 is giving me lots of opportunities to practice staying connected to my truth and remember that I’m safe and loved, no matter what.
In the last 6 weeks, I’ve been dragged into family court for a sudden custody battle (still ongoing) for which I’m representing myself, I’ve received bills for court fees I still can’t pay, my case load for my healing practice dropped to zero so I have no income other than the meager child support I get, Brooke sprained her ankle and couldn’t walk for a week, Aidan is still struggling mightily with depression and PTSD, he got suspended from school for 5 days, and we’ve been advised to find an independent study program to move him to. So now I’m having to negotiate education options with the same crazy man I’m still defending myself against in court. And yesterday I lost my food stamps due to some administrative crap that’s going to take several weeks to correct, another big hit to my budget.
It’s been quite a challenge to navigate the fears, triggers, logistics, and overwhelm of all this. The scariest part is the money – I’m simply not bringing in enough to pay the bills and I already blew all my savings and credit while Brooke was sick. I know something will work out, because it always does, but the not knowing is sometimes terrifying. There’s also been a fair amount of judgement and unsolicited advice about my circumstances to contend with, which makes it harder to share and ask for support
I’m sure my spirit knows what she’s doing and there will be some great gifts to come from all of this. Even if it’s only to remember that I can get through anything!
I know I have a lot of magical friends out there. If inspired, please take a moment to send us love and prayers for peace, ease, and abundance! Help me call in a job or work I can do that fits into our lives logistically and pays enough to make ends meet!
I’ve been brought to my knees more than once in the last couple months – overwhelmed with the fear, anger, sadness, or self-doubt. I’ve beat myself up with thoughts and questions about what I’m doing wrong and why am I still manifesting such difficult challenges! But the fact is, it’s just life. And there are so many people in our country and in the world facing so much worse. And it’s not their fault either.I’m so grateful that I’m not alone with my challenges. I have a supportive, loving mom who’s always there for me and always believes in me. Magical friends who remind me who I am and how to return to my truth on hard days. And an incredibly wise, unwavering partner who’s here at my side, every single day, picking me up when I feel like I can’t go on, holding me when I need to cry, cheering me on when I spring into action, reminding my kids and I to laugh, contributing every spare cent he has, and loving me through all of it. This is the partner and partnership I’ve been waiting for and I know that together, we will get through this and build an easier, happy life for us and all four of our kids.
